Measured in Whispers and Shuffles

I’ve been reading a couple other teacher blogs, and in particular has stood out for me: Teaching in the 408. This guy writes with passion and integrity, yet manages to "keep it real" about the harsh realities of teaching. By no stretch of the imagination do I picture him as the teddy-bear-sweater/holiday earrings type of teacher, but as the down-to-earth, passionate teacher you always wish you had.

In a previous post called (dis)quiet, he spoke passionately and bluntly about the deep melancholy that so often descends upon us within the trenches. That got me thinking.... (here it comes... wait for it!): What is it that keeps us teaching, when there are so many reasons not to?

I’m reminded again of Teddy (see previous post), and how deeply I bought into his propaganda, so readily patted myself on my back like I was the teacher who changed his life forever and was invited to his wedding, blah, blah, blah. I am NOT Teddy’s teacher, yet I secretly yearn to be. Why?

We are in a profession where success - deep, meaningful, daily success - is often measured in whispers and shuffles along a continuum. Rarely, do I think, do we come across a Teddy in our career - someone who’s life we deeply affect, and who we can truly say we put upon a successful path. No, deep within the trenches of daily life, success can be seen in the small, minute things that our students do: they chose a book that they can actually read, they solved an unknown word by themselves, they stopped for a second before writing down an incorrect word (at least they paused!). These things aren’t life altering, let’s shine up the Teacher of the Year Award, call Hollywood for another inspiring drama/Oscar opportunity - I’d be played by Patrick Dempsey, but that’s neither here nor there.

It is so easy to get down on ourselves because this is, in large part, a thankless job. Not only that, it is a job that everyone feels they have the right to criticize, because everyone has been through the educational system - everyone had that teacher that sucked so they know what good teaching must look like. Plus we’ve got a kick-*ss vacation plan... so...

Yet not only is success small, it is often few and far between, largely out-weighed by the sliding-backwards, the regressions that occur, and certainly paling in comparison to the success that WE see within each of our students. I have huge plans for my Grade 3 kids, and continually get disappointed (deeply, personally disappointed - almost betrayed) when they don’t live up to these expectations I’ve foisted upon their little lives. I want so badly for my students to do well. Though, tempering that is the newly-found realization that I only have 10 months with them. It has taken 7, 8, 9 years to get them this way. In the grand scheme of things, I can do what I can, but can I work miracles? Sometimes! Yet that is rare, but sometimes is enough to keep me going....

... even when I want to give up.
... even when I feel largely unappreciated.
... even when I am continually disappointed with the profession at large.
... even when I am frustrated by my fellow colleagues lack of motivation.
... even when my parents are upset with my methods.

Yet this Sometimes is what we cling to. It is these myths of excellence, these fictionalized stories of success, these Chicken Soup for the Soul moments that we feverently grasp, latch onto, to tell ourselves that we do good work.

We do good work. That will have to be enough.